slipping....

Am slipping into the abyss. The funny fact is that I am consciously letting myself go deeper and deeper into the dark river of muck, a river which is dark even in broad daylight. It’s a river where all the filth of life merge to continue its journey downstream. No one knows where this river ends. People have been caught by the undercurrents and swept away to the Fringe of the river. That is the place where one loses all consciousness. The river flows demonically at the Fringe. It sweeps away everything and leaves no traces of life. Yes, it is scary. Its more like a water ride in some devilish theme park where you just can’t get off the ride, if you have rode along for some time. You might want to get out of the river of filth to try a new hand at life. But, by then, the river consumes your soul and deprives you of your ability to make decisions. One’s vision becomes kaleidoscopic if one dares to take a dip in the murky waters. You will see life, in its most primitive form. Yes, you will see life. The very essence of living becomes evident. Purpose is the driver of life. You will see life forms living out their purposes. Once a purpose has been fulfilled, the immediate concern is to create a new purpose to live for. Else, the chances of it getting swept beyond the Fringe of life are high. Somehow, life-forms seem to have an affinity towards life itself, be it random occurrence or pre programmed sequence. Life becomes so much simpler if there is a driving purpose to it. Most of the actions performed will probably be aimed to aid in the completion of that purpose. Losing that purpose will create a malfunctioning organism. Human life has its quirks. I don’t know if animals understand anything about needing a purpose to live. But it has been ingrained in them it seems. They know they have to live and give their share to the world. They must be blessed in a sense, as they don’t seem to be able to understand, or ponder about their mundane lives. Some humans are quite the opposite. They lose direction in life, and they start wondering about the path lying ahead. Questions naturally swell in the idle, yet inquisitive mind. Each one gives rise to a new one, and will terminate at some question to which there is no satisfactory answer as of now. Sometimes, one feels beyond the purview of this world. The world is a different place from that person’s eyes. He sees it as a circus show. The so called values, so much needed in the normal world lose their values and a state of gross anarchy prevails. For example, a student might understand(wrongly or not, I don’t know) that examinations are a futile and pointless exercise. The priorities get redistributed. From what I know, it is possible to get into that state due to sudden shocks and deep emotions of sorrow and anger. Once you see the world from a startlingly different perspective, it’s pretty difficult to get rid of that view. But, it probably helps in increasing your awareness of the bigger picture. Then again, you might feel that piecing it all together is pretty much worthless. Depression is a stone’s throw away from this state. When you recover, things don’t remain the way they were. They may slowly return to their old priorities. Yet, things suddenly get distorted quite often when something disconcerting happens. It might be for the better, or for the worse, depending on your perspective.

What was I trying to talk about here? Yeah, about me slipping into the abyss. This is a game where one tries to find out one’s limits through trial and error experiments. The purposeless man sometimes allows himself to indulge in futile exercises such as these. The challenge to recover becomes his purpose. Life is still strong within, it seems.