Marionette

Something is not right. As a matter of fact, everything is wrong. I don't feel that I am living my life. Is this what was 'written' for me by God or his minions? Can I change it? Can I alter the script or will it ultimately be an illusion that I feel, the fact being that it too was in the script. I am a marionette.

Why do I feel that I can change the script. It is because I have the power to do so. I am the mythological superman who hasn't found his power so far. My power would be my initiative, bolstered by commitment and other subtleties.

But why? I too am on a path to the seemingly inevitable realm of death. Will it do me any good or bad if I choose to stick with the morals that my society has imprinted on my psyche. I can't say that I am a very moral man, as I break a lot of laws. Still there is that little moral fiber still entrenched in my kernel.

Why should I get rid of it? It is an interesting question this one. The answer is that - because it will transform me into something different from what I am right now. It will alter my state of extreme apathy to seemingly important things like stability, wealth, power and love. Until I try I can never be sure what changes will actually happen once this transformation happens. I have a hunch that all humans possess latent powers of gargantuan scales.

Tapping these powers for purposes good or bad, is merely dependent on the awareness and initiative of the individual. The evolutionary processes continue as each man progresses to become the mythical superman. Then again, this depends on the rate of degradation vs the rate of progressive evolution.

My values are different from that of most people I know. This is not because I know what my values are, but because I know that I cannot empathize with their values.

Echoing this from an academic perch is easy. Getting down from here and micro managing the actual grit of life is something that I have always shied away from. Fears, I have many. These are common fears. Fear of the future and the fear of society's reactions of my actions. I am afraid of certain forms of punishment. Alas, these are but avatars of the ultimate desire for self preservation. I am attached to myself.

I am a parasite who craves for the well being of my shell. What can such a parasite accomplish? String the flesh puppet to its beck and call?

Alas, in spite of all these trailer trash thoughts, my current perception of reality is that I am being guided through motions and thoughts which the marionette manipulator wishes me to traverse. I wonder who is the manipulator. I wonder who manipulates the manipulator.